Saturday, October 27, 2007

Man has Sex With Bike

This is hilarious. Here is a story that ran in Scotland. Now I know guys can get really horny, but this, this is totally understandable! Read this article published today by, by Richard Alleyne:

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.
Bryony Gordon: How do you have sex with a bicycle?
Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year. ....
On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.
She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.
Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.
He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.
Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

My only question is --why is this a crime?

We all love our bikes. In fact this ends one big mystery: I have always wondered why men can always remember the exact brand that another man is "riding".

Plus I can totally understand bike lust. Nice, new shiny frame, bright red would be my favorite. Or even a sparkling green or blue. Nice, soft, clean, white handlebar tape; brand new, smooth white seat. Maybe a few light particles embedded in the paint finish. Sounds a little like a woman with sparkling nail polish, soft clothing, and soft skin, no?

Hey some people get off on porno magazines. Others like porno movies. Some are peeping Toms.

So again....why is this a crime?


Badelicious said...

I think it's between him and his bike love.... nothing wrong with it indeed.

Would it be as dangerous as kissing a girl with braces?

Anonymous said...

Kissing a girl with braces definitely ranks as more dangerous. Is this something you are fond of doing?
And I agree on that's between him and his bike, even if he has more than one...